Being Your Own Kind of Beautiful: Learning to Appreciate Yourself
While shopping at one of my favorite
boutiques, I ran across this adorable little trinket that had a modest
inscription on it that read: "Be Your Own Kind of Beautiful". The
timing was perfect for me to receive this message because I had just recently
decided to end a long-term friendship that had become severely dysfunctional
and was weighing me down emotionally. Like most people who experience an end to
a long-term friendship, whether it was a positive experience or not, the
finality of the split left me feeling relieved and out of sorts all at the same
time. Feeling beautiful was probably the last thing on my mind at the time
because the "friendship" had become so offensive to my psyche. It
felt like an all-out assault to my spirit in an attempt to systematically
convince me that I had nothing to offer. Yet, when I read the caption on the
little ornament that day in the boutique, it spoke to me in a way that I cannot
describe. I felt like my soul had just awakened by a fierce inspiration! I
thought how wonderful it would be if each of us could feel the same reassurance
that I felt that day by simply taking a step back and appreciating our own God
given beauty! Not just the physical beauty, but our entire beautiful self,
inside and out. I reflected on how important it is never to give anyone control
over our perceptions of ourselves because God created each of us in his own
image and He did not make any mistakes on any of his creations!
Even though we know in our heart that we are
uniquely designed by God, we all at some point in our life have fallen victim
to allowing ill-intentioned "friends" or that nagging voice in our
head that try to persuade us that we are less than. In so doing, we fail to
fully appreciate our own individuality and the marvelous qualities that we have
to offer. Not recognizing or appreciating our own unique beauty is similar to
the inference in the quote by Alice Walker that says: "I think it pisses
God off if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don't notice
it", (The Color Purple). That may be putting it a bit bluntly, but
sometimes we need a candid wake-up call. The same concept applies to how we
view ourselves, not just how we view a color somewhere in a field. Even though
we get the point, I have noticed that women in particular repeatedly fall into
the trap of comparing themselves to others and not embracing their own beauty.
Physical beauty has become such the end all, that many people have such blind
envy of others because of their physical appearance that they have no regard to
the personal struggles someone might be going through, despite how well put
together they may appear on the outside. In spite of this and as
straightforward as it may sound, if each of us would begin to practice being
our own kind of beautiful, then we would realize that each of us is beautiful
just the way we are.
At any rate, although physical attractiveness
can be quite enticing, outer beauty is fleeting. Therefore, a person's
character, morals and values should be the factors that true beauty should be
judged. These core traits are not merely handed down through great genetics and
more importantly; they never fade away. Remember the old saying, pretty is as
pretty does? If someone is lacking in these three intrinsic fundamentals, then
it really does not matter what they look like on the outside. Physical beauty
has no correlation at all to the goodness or essential quality of a person. OK,
for those who may be a little harder to persuade maybe we can take gradual,
baby steps toward adopting this revolutionary standard of looking at beauty.
For the sake of compromise, let's say the new standard of judging beauty can
consist of a combination of both physical and inner characteristics. However,
in all fairness the fundamental core of who a person is should at least carry a
higher weighted average than what the person looks like. Fair enough? Well,
until this notion becomes widely accepted, which quite frankly may take an act
of God; I will suggest a few simple ideas to help remind everyone to honor God
by simply being your own kind of beautiful on the inside and out.
One way to practice being your own kind of
beautiful is to celebrate your God given gifts and beauty. The fact that each
and every person on this earth is uniquely designed, down to our personalized
fingerprints, is astounding! Whether it is an internal or physical
characteristic that makes you uniquely beautiful, you should focus on just one
trait at a time and celebrate it. We have so much to be thankful for, so
celebrating one thing at a time can be as simple as showing gratitude for
having that distinctive attribute. Once you begin to do this on a regular
basis, you will begin to naturally appreciate how wonderfully designed you are.
For example, I have always been into physical fitness, sometimes more than
others, but overall I have been blessed that God has made me physically strong
and healthy. Although I could have chosen to sit around and focus on someone
else's physical attributes, I have chosen to celebrate my own. As such, I
joined a hiking club and push my physical endurance to the limit on a regular
basis by hiking through rugged terrain to reach altitudes that I never thought
I would reach by foot. A couple of added benefits are that for one I meet
interesting, like-minded people and in addition I am keeping physically fit by
doing something I enjoy. If you have never been hiking, you cannot imagine the
beauty that can be seen from the vantage point from atop a mountain. For miles
on end, there is the beauty of nature, including speckles of purple in a field
of flowers. I thank God each day for giving me the physical ability to be able
to do these types of physical activities; particularly after having been bound
to a wheelchair for several months after an injury. I celebrate my blessings
every chance I get by putting my gift to use. The more I use it, the more
physically and mentally strong I become. You will be surprised at how doing
simple things like this can help you discover your blessings which you may have
overlooked in the past because you have spent so much time comparing yourself
to someone else. So, get out there and keep it moving by discovering or
rediscovering your beautiful self!
This brings me to my next piece of advice that
I will offer to you to practice being your own kind of beautiful which is to
stop comparing yourself to others, period. Many times, no matter what our
station is in life or how many compliments we receive from others, we somehow
still feel like we fall short in comparison to someone else. What I have
discovered is that a person will not be able to fully appreciate their own
beauty if they continue to try and emulate someone else's beauty. It is
irrational to look at the external beauty of someone else and feel envious.
First of all, envy is a sin and secondly physical beauty is fleeting, so why
even bother. So, instead of comparing yourself to others you should thank God
for creating you in his own image. On this subject, I want to share how moved I
was by a speech given by Iyanla Vanzant entitled, "You Matter". In it
she stated something that really grabbed my attention regarding the whole
concept of how wasteful it is to compare yourself to others. In her speech she
said, "It is an act of violence to compare yourself to other people".
That is such a powerful statement! In order to fully appreciate the full force
of this statement, you have to take a moment and absorb its significance. If
you really think about it, not only is it an act of violence, it is also
irreverent to compare yourself to others which in a way marginalizes your own
beauty and uniqueness. Ironically, I found this concept also works in the
reverse as it reminds me not to look at others with such a critical eye and to
appreciate the fact that they too are uniquely designed by God. Psalm 139:14
says, 'I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are
your works; my soul knows it very well".
One final suggestion that I will impart on the
subject of being your own kind of beautiful is that it is important to
appreciate and not emulate others' beauty. It is one thing to admire a person's
beauty, however, you have completely crossed the line if your adoration of
another leaves you feeling demoralized. Fortunately, there is a healthy balance
between celebrating your own beauty and appreciating others' beauty;
particularly without feeling jealousy which is a by-product of emulation. The
most confident women are those who embrace their own beauty and can appreciate
others for their beauty in a healthy way. This confidence is reflected in many
ways such as being graceful in how you carry yourself as it will reflect in how
you view others. As the saying goes, "Elegance is [the only] beauty that
never fades". As I stated earlier, beauty is unique to each individual and
it does not always mean physical beauty. Yes, it is important to strive to be
your best self, inside and out. However, you do not have to jeopardize your
self-worth in the process by impersonating others. That is why it is important
to check yourself from time to time to ensure you keep a healthy balance
between appreciating versus emulating others. Feeling confident in who you are
and what you have to offer will allow you to appreciate others at a greater
level for who they are without feeling envious by trying to imitate them.
In summary, because each of us is uniquely
designed by God, we all have an abundance of reasons to appreciate and
celebrate our own beauty. Of course, beauty can be viewed in many ways either
inner, outer, or a combination of both. We can begin the transformative
thinking of being our own kind of beautiful by actively celebrating our own
uniqueness one trait at a time. Once we begin to do this, we will become comfortable
in our own skin and will be able to appreciate others for their beauty without
allowing jealousy or envy to invade our space. No one has a right to try to
make you feel that you have nothing to offer. As Iyanla Vanzant stated in her
speech, "You Matter". You do not need anyone to define you or to
complete you because God has already done an awesome job at that. Embrace this
concept and live it on a daily basis. In other words, start each day by boldly
being your own kind of beautiful!
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